New Year and Reflection

At the end of the year, a lot of news shows do a year in review and review the top news makers.  What would your year in review look like?  What were the positive or high moments and what were the low or negative moments? What would you do differently?  

What do you want to accomplish for 2015?  What is your strategy? I know what I want to do and have a plan. 

Christmas morning

(Written earlier)

It's 341am and all is calm and quiet. Reading of our Savior's birth. Thinking about the first night God sent His Son and Mary giving birth. We sing about Jesus's birth but do we experience it or does it get overshadowed by the busyness of Christmas. Have you taken moments to be alone to think about His birth?  What does the birth of Christ mean to you? For me, it is summed up in a few words, bridge from sin to salvation and grace. Grace every moment and second of my life. Merry Christmas family and friends. 

Parents please read and take heed

Parents do you know what your kids are saying when they use abbreviations and acronyms? It is disturbing that can be said via text and chat and people do not know what the  abbreviation means.

Detective Mike Harris from the Jefferson County District Attorney's Office informed 7News that cracking the codes kids use isn't about being cool, it is about keeping them safe.  Harris makes a living posing as children online to catch internet predators in the act, but the perverted criminals are even better than he is at talking to the kids at their level. 

Here are a few of the abbreviations:
8 - means ate or can also refer to oral sex
9- Parent watching
99 -Parent gone
143- I love you
1174 - the meeting place, meet at
420- marijuana
53X- sex
ADR- address
AEAP- as earlly as possible
ALAP- as late as possible
ASL- age, sex, location,
Broken- hung over from alcohol
CD9- Code 9- it means the parents are around
GNOC- get naked on camera
GYOP- get your pants off
IWSN- I want sex now
KPC- keeping parents clueless
LMIRL- lets meet in real life
MorF- male or female
MOS- mom over shoulder
MPFB- my personal F*** buddy
P911- parent alert
NIFOC- nude in front of computer
Q2C - quick to cum
RU/18- are you over 18
PIR- parent in room
PAW- parents are watching
PRON- porn
RUH-are you horny
TDTM- talk dirty to me
WYCM- will you call me
WUF- where you from
WYRN- what's your real name.

Hope Is...........

None of us have ever woken up and thought, “I hope I have a terrible day today.” We might expect to have a bad day or worry about having a bad day, but these emotions are not hope. Hope is believing the best for us.

There is a difference between having hope and having a wish. Wishing is an optimistic thought that doesn't require any action; hope is about trusting. Wishing the store will have your favorite flavor of ice cream when you get there is just a thought. Hope is calling ahead, learning it is in stock, then trusting the manager put it aside for you. Our hope is only as valuable as the person or thing in which we place it. 

Reflect:

Who do you place your hope in? Do you have a hard time hoping ? Why or why not?

Thanksgiving

thanksgiving

what should we be thankful for? That is an individual answer to a big question. One could say I am thankful for my family, but what if you don't have family or have lost a loved one this year? One could say, I am thankful for my job.  Maybe you were downsized this year? I am thankful for my health. What if you were diagnosed with a terminal illness or a chronic illness? I am thankful for my home. Maybe it was foreclosed on, or you are homeless.  I am thankful for the country I live in. However, this country rejects you based on race, ethnicity, income level, education, etc.
I am thankful that I am alive. Sometimes that is all we need, a glimmer of hope or feeling of being alive.  If you have or are experiencing the crisies listed above, remember you are alive and when there is life, there is hope.  Don't give up hope.  Don't give up your hope!!!!
Hope brings forth thankfulness and life and life brings forth hope and thankfulness. 

10 Bucket Fillers for the Holidays from the "bucket lady”- Amy Cole of Life Tree Counseling Center

·       Take time for silence and solitude.  Be alone and embrace the silence and aloneness. In the middle     of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, take a few moments to just be.

 It is more blessed to give than to receive.  Do you remember how much fun it  was opening Santa     gifts from under the tree.  Some families cannot do that. If   you have the time and the extra money, make Christmas for another boy or girl. You may have fun remembering what is was like to wonder  the isles as a kid and look for what toys you wanted on your list to Santa.

 Take time to reflect on all the good things you have accomplished this year. Whether it was a new     job, losing some weight, running a 5k, walking a mile or  learning something new, relish in the fact   you accomplished a task this year.

 When family members disappoint you (and they will) remember they are human  too.  They have their fault just like you do.  Give them some grace. (Grace comes from Latin gratus, which is favor, kindness esteem or pleasing.)

 Also, slow down and do one item at a time instead of multitasking.  Ask for help from others as        needed.  Let the grocery store make the pie, or stuffing or even the whole meal.  

 If you do not have family in the area, get together with friends.  If that is not an option, go serve food to those in homeless shelters.  Giving of yourself helps defeat depression.

  Meditate, read, or listen to good music or books for tape to encourage yourself.

  Do your favorite activity.  Take a walk, photography, writing in a journal, playing sports outside,      playing with children, grandchildren, family members. Playing games with the family.

 “Don’t sweat the little stuff, and it is all little stuff.” Pick and choose what you  get upset over,           remember you control your emotions.  A mantra to use is “will   this matter next year?” or “will this   matter 3 years or 5 years from now?” Chances are you won’t remember anything from last year. 

 Remember the reason for the season. It is to be enjoyed and relished. 

Article from Huffington Post

Huffington  Post

THE BLOG

My Battle With Depression and Anxiety

Marisa Lancione 10/12/14 11:11 AM ET

Living with a chronic mental illness often feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, the proverbial shoe has dropped (it's stylish at least). I've been struggling for a while, but I'm finally coming around to admitting it. Despite seeing therapists on and off for nearly 10 years, I still find it hard to communicate how I feel. But even more difficult is being honest with myself about how I am feeling. So I guess this is sort of a litmus test. Will confessing how I feel get me out of denial or will I continue to keep my head in the sand and ignore it?

I've been battling semi-regular panic attacks for the past six months. My first panic attack in years happened in March. As with most panic attacks, they happen at the most inopportune moments. This particular one happened during the middle of a concert. I was at a bar that was packed with drunk hipsters, tossing their bodies carelessly to the music. I began to feel claustrophobic among the ever-increasing press. The bass of the music reverberated in my chest, amplifying my pounding heart. The bar was too hot. The walls were closing in on me. I couldn't catch my breath. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I had to get out of there. My husband and I snaked our way through the crowded bar, each time someone bumped into me, a jolt of adrenaline coursed through me like an electric current. By the time we made it to the door, I was in the throes of a full-blown panic attack.

These situations are incredibly frustrating. As I was leaning against the building, among the smokers and couples making out, I couldn't help but cry. I was having such a great evening before this. My husband and I enjoyed an incredible dinner before the concert. We were hanging out with friends, listening to an amazing band. And then I had to leave before they finished their set. Compounding my anxiety was the fact that the friends I was with had no idea what was happening. As we left, I mumbled excuses about having to catch the last metro.

Panic attacks are like getting the stomach flu right before an event. Except instead of knowing before that you were cancelling to puke in the safety of your home, you're suddenly vomiting in public (lovely imagery, I know) and rushing out of the door.

After this first attack, I started seeing a therapist (who was a former psychiatrist) for the first time in about four years. She's an incredibly lovely lady. She suggested that I exercise more and cut out caffeine and sugar. I started working out every day, reduced my caffeine (I haven't had a coffee that wasn't decaf in three months) and tried to avoid sugar as much as humanly possible. Except, none of this helped and the panic just got worse.

As my anxiety levels increased to nearly intolerable levels, sleep became a joke (despite already taking medication that is supposed to help me sleep). I can't tell you the last time I have slept through the night. Finally in May, after not sleeping for about four days, I was given anti-anxiety medication. I often pair my nighttime pill with my anti-anxiety meds, but I still wake up in semi-terror, feeling like I have forgotten something important. Other nights I just toss and turn unable to sleep at all.

But lately, it's more than panic plaguing me. An encompassing sadness has attached itself to me like a shadow -- following me wherever I go, no matter what I do. I've had this feeling before, it's certainly not new to me. It's just been a while. I know it's depression waiting in the wings. I know that if I don't fight it hard enough, it will envelope me completely. So everyday I force myself out of bed and go to work. I force myself to keep plans and socialize because I know that if I don't, I'd spend my weekends in bed, reading or watching TV until Monday. I know that depression is never fought by being a hermit. Sometimes it works and I end up enjoying myself out with friends but other times, I just wish I was in bed.

Nothing comes easily right now -- including writing this. Stringing words together has always come easily to me and it's frustrating to feel like there's a dam blocking my flow of words (perhaps that's why I resorted to a scatalogical simile earlier).

But the worst part of all of this is watching the concern on my husband's face. I know as I stare silently into space as we watch TV, his mind is running through worst case scenarios. Is she thinking about killing herself? Is this going to result in another hospital stay? Will I catch her self-harming? How concerned do I need to be?

You may be thinking that these scenarios may seem a bit extreme, but the fact is that we've gone through all of them, and only four short years ago. My parents have been extremely supportive through the ups and downs of my illness, but they don't have a choice -- I'm their kid. My husband always had the option to leave and he didn't -- even when I have repeatedly encouraged him to.

Even if his worst case scenarios have happened in the past, the reality of this recent sadness (I am still reticent to name it depression, for now) is that I'm not in that headspace. I refuse to resort to self-harm at 28 years old. I'm not thinking of suicide as a viable option because I see the value of my life. And for the first time in my illness, I'm actually taking positive steps to help stave off depression.

The first step was recognizing the persisting sadness -- it's been longer than a week, this is more than a bad mood. The second step was making an appointment with my therapist. And the third, and probably the most important step, was sharing how I was feeling with my husband and parents (my main support system). This third step has always given me the most trouble.

It's not that these steps will guarantee that I will ward off a full blown depressive episode. I'm terrified that it could still happen. I'm intimidated by the thought of changing my medications and dealing with new side effects. I'm scared that I might have to take a leave from my job. I'm horrified by the potential of another hospital stay.

But at the end of the day, even if all of this happens, at least I know I tried. And that's something.

A version of this piece originally appeared on Healthy Minds Canada.

Have a story about depression that you'd like to share? Email strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com, or give us a call at (860) 348-3376, and you can record your story in your own words. Please be sure to include your name and phone number.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Panic attacks and anxiety- what is it?

“For me, a panic attack is almost a violent experience. I feel disconnected from reality. I feel like I’m losing control in a very extreme way. My heart pounds really hard, I feel like I can’t get my breath, and there’s an overwhelming feeling that things are crashing in on me.”

“It started 10 years ago, when I had just graduated from college and started a new job. I was sitting in a business seminar in a hotel and this thing came out of the blue. I felt like I was dying.”


“In between attacks there is this dread and anxiety that it’s going to happen again. I’m afraid to go back to places where I’ve had an attack. Unless I get help, there soon won’t be anyplace where I can go and feel safe from panic.”

"I can't be in or around people.  I feel like I can't breathe and my heart starts pounding.  How can I go to the grocery store?" 

My first panic attack occurred on the way back home to Tennessee. My husband was driving and my heart rate felt like it was going thru the roof.  I felt doomed like I was having a heart attack on the interstate.  We found an ER and sped there.  I was hooked up to a monitor, my heart rate was elevated but not high. I was released and we continued on our way.  The entire trip was the trip from hell.  I did not feel like me 99% the time while home.  I felt like I would never be able to relax. I went back to the ER later in the trip and ended up having a stress test. My heart was fine and that was when I learned what panic attacks were and how they felt.

Panic disorder is a real illness that can be successfully treated. It is characterized by sudden attacks of terror, usually accompanied by a pounding heart, sweatiness, weakness, faintness, or dizziness. During these attacks, people with panic disorder may flush or feel chilled; their hands may tingle or feel numb; and they may experience nausea, chest pain, or smothering sensations. Panic attacks usually produce a sense of unreality, a fear of impending doom, or a fear of losing control. 

A fear of one’s own unexplained physical symptoms is also a symptom of panic disorder. People having panic attacks sometimes believe they are having heart attacks, losing their minds, or on the verge of death. They can’t predict when or where an attack will occur, and between episodes many worry intensely and dread the next attack.

Panic attacks can occur at any time, even during sleep. An attack usually peaks within 10 minutes, but some symptoms may last much longer." (NIMH, 2014)

Six million people suffer from panic attacks.  Women are twice as likely to have panic attacks as men.  Panic attacks are one form of anxiety.  Others include OCD, PTSD, Social anxiety, Generalized Anxiety and specific phobias.  All of the various types of anxiety have some common symptoms.  The common symptoms include excessive, irrational fear and dread.  Other symptoms can be shortness of breath, sweating, racing thoughts, inability to think clearly or rationally, and loss of control.  Anxiety is basically fear of loss of control. 

Ways to deal with anxiety include:  stress management, along with meditation, aerobic activity,  therapy to address the triggers of anxiety, and medications if prescribed by a MD.

I dealt with my anxiety by meditation, walking, and finding ways to reduce my stress level.  I practice what I teach.  Deep breathing, visual meditation, and becoming aware of my stress level keeps me in control of me. If you need help, there is more information listed below and please feel free to contact me and I will help you as well. 

For more information: 

• Anxiety Disorders Information and Organizations from NLM's MedlinePlus (en Español)
• Panic Disorder Information and Organizations from NLM's MedlinePlus (en Español)

Who am I and What do I do?

Hi, I am Amy.  I am a counselor.  I like to help people who have been beaten up by life. People who have wounded hearts.  Life is tough.  We get beat up by family issues and family members, sickness, divorce, loss of a job, loss of a friend, and ourselves.  I know.  I have been wounded before.  I bet you have too.  So, why come talk to me about it? Well, I keep secrets.  You can tell me anything (except for 5 things that I must report per ethics and law) and I won't tell anyone else.  I can listen to you and provide you with guidance.  I am trained and licensed to do this by the State of Texas.  I know you may be thinking, I can talk to my friend and they can do that.  Well, maybe they can but they may not be bound by law and ethics to keep your stuff quiet and secret like I am. I am also not emotionally close to you and sometimes can see things people can't see when they are emotionally close to you. Silly example but would your friend tell you that you look ugly in that dress when you have gushed on and on about how you love it and how it makes you feel?  Probably not because they don't want to hurt your feelings.  I will tell you if I feel it is important to your overall feeling better.  I will be brutally honest with you.

Now a little more about me: I am an empathetic, fun loving and compassionate counselor. I believe  people want to improve their situations. I have 20 years experience working with troubled teens in and out of juvenile court, domestic violence situations, CPS work that included assessment of home situations, homeless families training them in lifestyle improvements, individual with drug & alcohol recovery.  I have a warm and energetic style that has allowed my clients to share their victories, celebrate with laughter, allow the slow grieving to process, and I have had to show tough love moments with my clients.  My experience has prepared my to counsel adults, families, couples and children that have special set of circumstances. I have worked  and continue to work with individuals who are developmentally delayed in groups home and foster homes.  I use an integrated approach of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Rogerian Therapy. I along with the client will use the therapy suited to the client where they are at in their time of need.  I have experience in a wide variety of issues, including depression, anxiety, grieving a loss, mood disorders, anger issues, PTSD, stress management, Trauma Focused CBT and self esteem.

As a former director of a delinquent girls halfway house and an assistance director to a shelter for homeless individuals and families,I know important it is to relate to individuals where they are at without judgement but with compassion and as equals.  I have been noted by others for going above and beyond in the counseling experience by linking with community resources to meet needs outside of the counseling purview. I guide my clients through their journey and assists them in finding joy in the journey. 

Licensure:

•    Licensed Professional Counselor, TX

Education:

•    B.S. -East Tennessee State University, Johnson City, TN

•    M.S. in Counseling- Capella University, Minneapolis, MN.

Populations Served included children, teenagers, adults, couples and families.

Treatment Offered:

•    mood disorder/bipolar

•    depression/sadness

•    anxiety/panic/worry

•    PTSD

•    domestic violence victims

•    grief/loss

•    life transitions, divorce, breakup, job loss,

•    conflict resolution

•    communication skills, stress management, relaxation techniques

•    mood management

•    boundaries

•    parenting

How to select a voice coach? or a therapist?

I was watching The Voice last night and thought about how the individuals auditioning would select their coaches.  During the interviews, a lot said they would choose someone who could help them with certain needs or desires they had.  One wanted to be plugged in to the song writing, another wanted to work on blending different styles of music.

 I started thinking, how do people choose a therapist.  So, how do you select a therapist?  Well, the states have several suggestions they want you to know.  You want someone who is licensed in the state you live in.

Here are some bullet point questions to consider:

• Are they licensed? Do they have a graduate degree? Have they participated in post graduate training? Therapy is an every changing field and to keep up with the changes.
• Have there been any complaints filed with the board? You can check you state board of Professional Licensing to see if a therapist has had complaints filed on them.
• Do you feel comfortable talking to him or her, are they a safer person to talk to? Is the person down to earth and easy to relate to or does he/she feel cold, distant and emotionally removed? The therapist should be engaged with you and not cold or distant.  Going to a therapist will produce some anxiety however the therapist should be able to and want to engage you in conversation.  Speaking to a therapist should be easy and conversation should flow back and forth.
• Can they clearly define how they can help you solve whatever issues or concern you have? They should be able to give you a road map or guide to how they think they can help you.  The guide should not be written in stone as situations change from day to day.
• Do they adhere to ethical principals in regards to issues such as confidentiality? This is the most important question as you want your stuff to stay your stuff. 

(GoodTherapy.org, 2007)

Then, it's all up to what you want or what you can afford or what your insurance company gives you.
I think it starts with the website of the therapist.  Is the website professional looking? Do you connect with the biography of the therapist?  Is the counselor experienced in what you are needing?  For example, maybe you are more comfortable as a female speaking to females.  Or maybe you want someone how has experience working with families and children.  Or maybe you want someone who has experience working with grief and grieving.  It depends on what you are looking for.  If you call the therapist office, do you get a return call immediately or does weeks go by before you get a call back? When you come in the office, is it peaceful and welcoming or does it feel sterile?

  Remember, if you don't feel comfortable after meeting the person, give it one to two more sessions.  Therapy is not always feel good stuff and the first session is not comfortable.  If it doesn't feel right, change therapist.