Attitude of gratitude

During the holiday season, stress can run high, tensions among family members can grow big, and patience can run low. When you feel the stress rising and you're about to snap, take a moment and  breathe deep and say thank you. Having and developing an attitude of gratitude can change your perspective. How do we develop an attitude of gratitude? Take a few moments and either write or say out loud what are you thankful for or who you are thankful for. Again breathe deep, smile and say thank you. 

How Productive are you?

Do you have days that it seems you can't move forward and for every step forward you take two back? Me too. Here are some productivity tips from the Productive Woman podcast.

•manage emails- check only every few hours and organize them in a style that works for you, i.e. By client, author, etc. 

• make your workspace comfortable and efficient. De-clutter the paper monster. When a paper passes on to your desk, do something with it, file it, read and trash, complete, whatever. 

• check the desk height and chair height. Ergonomically aligned chairs and desk aid in comfort. 

• Add a plant or two, or music or pictures to inspire your creativity

• communicate with your office mates, delegate if you can, and set boundaries if you have a deadline that cannot be missed. 

Transitions

Transitions can be good, hard, challenging, and new.  We work with people who are in transition a lot. New home, new job, new life, new feelings, new thoughts, We all go through transitions. 

I am in transition right now. I am saying hello to a new set of colleagues and good bye to another set.  Good byes are bitter sweet. I am choosing not to look at them as a good bye but "we'll have to catch up over tea!" (Shout out to KM!) 

Point is, transitions are what you make of them. If you go in with excitement to learn and grow, it's good. Go in with less positive thoughts, well it can be dicey. Appreciate the past, learn, and look brightly to the future. 

On the journey, 

Amy

Therapeutic Story Telling

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Communication, communication, communication

Misunderstanding communication can create such a messy situation. How many times have you been in an argument with someone you care about due to a misunderstanding of what was being said?  I have multiple times.

What are the reasons behind the misunderstandings or miscommunication? Misunderstandings, resulting from poor communication, can easily cause a conflict or make it worse. Further, once a conflict has started, communication problems often develop because people in conflict do not communicate with each other as frequently, as openly, and as accurately as they do when relationships are not strained. Thus communication is central to most conflict situations.

Communication involves at least two parties--the speaker and the listener. Sometimes there are third parties: in-between people who carry messages from one person to another, or the media, for example, which has such transmission of information as its primary goal. Problems can develop at all three of these sources. (http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/problem/commprob.htm)  Remember the pass the secret game where one person shares a secret with another and it goes around the circle until everyone has heard the secret.  Most all of the times, I have played that game, the secret had become a totally different statement. Tone of voice, inflection and emphasis on wording can change the intention of the of the message.  Body language, volume of voice as well as eye contact can influence how a message is received.  

So how do we fix our communication gaps or failures? One easy and effective solution is to ask for clarification if you didn’t understand the statement.  Other ways include:

-Try not to rush. If you sound rushed and distracted when you say something, people may think you are not interested or feel offended, because it seems like they are unimportant to you.  If you do happen to be rushed, provide the other person with a brief explanation that you are very busy with something now, but do want to talk with later, so either you or they can contact you again.

-Confirm you’re on the same page. Often breakdowns occur because someone has false assumptions about someone or about something they expect someone to do and communicate based on those assumptions.  

-Practice active listening. Communication breakdowns also occur when people don’t allow time for others to ask questions or don’t take time to listen carefully to others themselves.  Ask questions if you don’t understand. Another approach is to invite someone to provide a brief recap of what they think you said. (http://www.care2.com/greenliving/4-ways-to-fix-communication-breakdowns.html#ixzz3fKAwMDlr)

http://www.amycolecounseling.com/

a different kind of blog post

I would like to talk a little about lessons learned in life.  some are lessons I have learned, some are from other people.  some are common sense lessons and others are harder to understand. feel free to add your lessons as well in the comments:

• don't quit.  no matter how hard, how long, how awful or how it makes you feel, don't quit it. 
• eat ice cream before it melts. 
• budget money and time wisely
• never quit learning
• have one day a week to rest
• pamper yourself
• praise yourself
• step out of your comfort zone
• challenge your belief system
• find a hobby you love
• do the hobby you love
• be intentional about keeping up with friends
• love others
• love yourself
• spend time with family
• furbabies are family too
• be a kid again
• color outside the lines
• break the rules every so often
• listen to other people's stories
• smile
• laugh
• cry
• travel local
• travel abroad
• listen to music, all kinds of music
• hang out with people you love
• learn tolerance
• open your mind and listen to other's points of view
• do a new activity once a week
• list 3 things you are grateful for once a week
• spend time alone
• spend time in a crowd
• take a walk in the rain
• listen to the birds 
• unplug once a week
• try a new food
• eat a comfort food
• don't be afraid
• share with others
• play nice
• dress up and go for a fancy dinner
• help someone you don't know
• volunteer
• talk to your parents, grandparents and great grandparents about their childhoods and record it
• say good morning, good night and I love you
• say I love you a lot
• remember your life is a blip in time
• dare to dream big
• believe in your self
• don't let others tell you how your feel
• don't let one bad thing ruin a day
• be at peace with yourself
• life is too short so enjoy it

Peace, 

Amy

for counselors's eyes only

The benefits of working nights.  I work at a hospital at night. It is fast paced some nights and we get swamped.  It has and continues to enhance my skills as a counselor.  If you want to experience how to really work with individuals in crisis, work at a hospital for a few months.  You will see all kinds of crisis and it pull at your heart strings.  As a caregiver, it can be hard to seperate your emotions from your work and sometimes we shouldn't, but we cannot carry the burden of someone's load all the time and not feel it.  I work with a great and awesome team.  We support one another through the rough nights and have fun during the good nights. We all bring different perspectives, experiences and talents to the table.  I have learned much and will continue to grow.  

One important lesson, do not, I repeat DO NOT neglect your self care.  You are no good to your client/patient nor are you any good to your team.  Take advantage of time off to fill your bucket up so you won't be empty when you go to work.  If you don't about bucket filling, get Tom Rath's book on How Full is  Your Bucket? (amazon or itunes).  

Peace and enjoy your day in the sunshine