Attitude of gratitude

During the holiday season, stress can run high, tensions among family members can grow big, and patience can run low. When you feel the stress rising and you're about to snap, take a moment and  breathe deep and say thank you. Having and developing an attitude of gratitude can change your perspective. How do we develop an attitude of gratitude? Take a few moments and either write or say out loud what are you thankful for or who you are thankful for. Again breathe deep, smile and say thank you. 

How Productive are you?

Do you have days that it seems you can't move forward and for every step forward you take two back? Me too. Here are some productivity tips from the Productive Woman podcast.

•manage emails- check only every few hours and organize them in a style that works for you, i.e. By client, author, etc. 

• make your workspace comfortable and efficient. De-clutter the paper monster. When a paper passes on to your desk, do something with it, file it, read and trash, complete, whatever. 

• check the desk height and chair height. Ergonomically aligned chairs and desk aid in comfort. 

• Add a plant or two, or music or pictures to inspire your creativity

• communicate with your office mates, delegate if you can, and set boundaries if you have a deadline that cannot be missed. 

Transitions

Transitions can be good, hard, challenging, and new.  We work with people who are in transition a lot. New home, new job, new life, new feelings, new thoughts, We all go through transitions. 

I am in transition right now. I am saying hello to a new set of colleagues and good bye to another set.  Good byes are bitter sweet. I am choosing not to look at them as a good bye but "we'll have to catch up over tea!" (Shout out to KM!) 

Point is, transitions are what you make of them. If you go in with excitement to learn and grow, it's good. Go in with less positive thoughts, well it can be dicey. Appreciate the past, learn, and look brightly to the future. 

On the journey, 

Amy

Therapeutic Story Telling

She Tells Her Grandma That She’s Just Been Cheated On So Grandma Tells Her To Do This

This is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage of life you’re in. You’ll see what I mean.

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW, Psychotherapist and author of "75 Habits for a Happy Marriage" talks about ways to Destress without leaving your Chair

There is definitely a time for action. Like when you wake up at 3 a.m. and hear water pouring out from somewhere in your house after you've just returned home from a winter vacation and it turns out that your frozen pipes are bursting (not that I'm speaking from actual experience, or anything). In that moment of stress, it's probably not the best time to sit and meditate on your dilemma.

Don't just sit there, do something! Happily for me, my husband leapt out of bed, ran through the basement (naked, mind you) and shut off all water in the house until he could isolate the offending pipe. The amygdala, the part of the brain that identifies danger and then activates the body for fight or flight, is quite good at reacting to potential danger. A little too good, you might say.

For many of us, the stressors of high-paced, nonstop modern living chronically stimulate our amygdala, thus keeping our bodies in a state we call stress. We become so locked into high alert that we remain stressed out even though no danger actually lurks around the corner. While a single stress response can be critical, chronic stress is a health hazard.

Often our well-meaning leisure activities, our attempts to lower our stress levels -- such as going on vacation, going to a yoga class, engaging in our hobbies, or even having a massage -- fail to keep our stress levels down. Why? Because, 1. we get stressed just trying to fit these activities into our busy lives (and paying for them) and 2. the moments of relaxation we might experience often don't carry over into our day to day living.

So, how can you truly restore yourself, simply and effectively, every day? Don't just do something, sit there. Right there, in your chair. After all, it's the small moments of peace through your day that make a big difference to your stress level. In my book,Shortcuts to Inner Peace, I offer a compendium of effective relaxation techniques. Read on to learn eight of them. Whether it's in your desk chair or your recliner, just sit, relax, and restore.

The first four practices you can do with your eyes open while the last four practices can be done with your eyes shut. You may find setting a timer for 1-5 minutes helpful.

1. Daydream by gazing out your window -- I know that your teachers told you to stop staring out the window and focus on your work. But now your objective is to let your work go for a few minutes. Start with a long exhale and then let your gaze wander. Notice what's happening in the outside world. Just notice. Feel how your body relaxes as you redirect your mind away from stressful thoughts. Especially fun is to imagine a feel good fantasy -- romantic, heroic, or otherwise. Daydreaming is not only relaxing, but it can actually help boost your creativity.

2. Investigate a small object, looking for details -- It's remarkable how you can look at the same objects every day but actually not see a thing. Take a moment to look at something within reach and really notice the details. Explore the color nuances, the textures, the shadows, the design. Discover the hidden aspects of your stapler, your favorite pen, the picture on the wall, the shell in your desk drawer. Notice how your mind redirects as you go on an adventure into the micro-landscapes around you.

3. Tap on your body from the feet up -- Use your knuckles to gently tap your way up your body. Focus your attention on the sensations. Start with your feet and move up your calves to your thighs. Tap along your torso and up each arm. Use your finger tips to gently tap your face. When you redirect your attention toward physical sensations, you may notice that your thoughts subside. Energy medicine considers tapping an important way to help relieve stress and revitalize your energy.

4. Doodle -- Put pen to paper and let yourself meander. Doodling is another way to jumpstart your creative side. Give your left brain a rest and let your right brain wake up. When we move our attention away from goal-directed activity during doodling, our "attention system" is relaxed. So give your left brain a break, stimulate creative juices and have fun!

5. Close your eyes and Listen -- Listen to the sounds around you. Isolate your sense of hearing, letting yourself notice and label each sound that you hear: "dog barking, car honking, copy machine, colleagues gossiping, rain pounding, etc." Slow the spiral of stressful thinking by bringing yourself fully into the present moment. Mindful listening clears the mind and has the effect of rebooting your system.

6. Close your eyes and imagine yourself on a fantastic vacation -- Take a moment and travel back in time to a wonderful trip. Or picture a fabulous destination that you've always wanted to visit. Use details to imagine the temperature, the sights, the sounds, the smells. Replay a favorite place, detail by detail. Notice how your body responds to pleasant, relaxing thoughts, almost as if you are actually there. Take a deep breath. Consider this your "Calgon take me away!" moment.

7. Close your eyes and breathe -- Your breath is like a portable spa. It's so obvious, so ever-present, and yet we rarely think to harness its potent powers. While there are many breathing exercises to consider, I personally suggest the 4-7-8 breath, an ancient breathing pattern taught by Dr. Andrew Weil. Breathe in for the count of 4, hold your breath to the count of 7, and exhale your breath, breathing out through your mouth as if breathing through a straw, to the count of 8. The pairing of an exhale that is twice as long as the inhale is especially relaxing.

8. Close your eyes and scan your body -- Start with the top of your head and "scan" down, slowly checking in with your body. As you scan, imagine warmth spreading from the top of your head, down your neck, over your shoulders, down your arms, down your torso, down your legs, and moving out through your feet. Notice a sense of inner awareness. For example, even with your eyes closed, you are aware of your hands and feet; you can feel an aliveness within them. Allow your attention to move from "thinking" to "sensation." Use these moments to re-connect with your body and release any tension within. The body scan is a classic relaxation technique.

There is a time and place for action and reaction, but there's also a place for the pleasure of stillness. You may not be able to get to the yoga mat, your barbells, or your sneakers. But you can take a moment to lean back and relax into the peacefulness of just sitting there.

Work sucks

By Nataly Kogan, CEO of Happier

You know how some days at work just drive you crazy? The kind when nothing seems to go your way; when you feel like you're getting nothing done; when yojr colleagues or boss are being the opposite of nice, and when all you want to do is collapse on your couch in front of the TV?

Yeah, those days. Those days suck -- let’s just get that out of the way. And most of the time you can’t just leave and get to your couch because...you’re at work and you have a job to do. So here are 5 things you can do instead to help you deal with stress at work. They may not feel as comfy as your couch or get you as far away from your office frustrations as you would like, but they’ll help you get through the rest of the day with the least amount of swearing and hair-pulling:

Step. Away. Now. Whatever your job is, there’s got to be a way that you can step away from your desk or station for a few minutes. When you’re frustrated or stressing out, you won’t be productive anyway, and those feelings will continue to escalate if you don’t change your setting. If you can, go for a short walk -- when getting outside is not an option, take a spin around your office or work area. Or walk over and chat with a colleague (one that isn’t driving you nuts, preferably). Or stare at the goldfish in the aquarium (if your workplace has one). Anything works as long as you literally walk away from where you usually spend most of your workday.

Make a plan for a mini-break tonight. It would be nice if you could follow every bad day at work with a day at the spa, but that’s a fantasy-solution for most of us. Still, you can plan a mini-break at home when you get out of work. To start chilling out, actually write down what you plan to do. It could look something like this:

Change into my fave yoga pants and huge sweater
Make hot chocolate (the really good kind)
Chill on the couch for a half hour, reading magazines
If time, take a bath with those awesome-smelling bath salts.
Writing this down will make it more real, and anticipating this mini-break when you get home will help you have a more positive attitude for the rest of your workday.

Send an SOS message to a friend. Text or email a friend who always manages to make you feel good and tell them you’re about to lose it. Letting someone know how you’re feeling lets you release some of the stress and your friend will likely say something to make you feel even slightly better. Sometimes just getting validation that “Yes, I do think your boss is absolutely positively insane for doing that!” feels great.

Do something super nice for a colleague. You’ve heard that doing nice things for others is the fastest way to feel better. Well, if you haven’t heard, it’s true -- a lot of research supports it and Deepak Chopra says it’s the fastest way to feel happier. So when you’re about to lose it shift your focus entirely to doing something nice for a colleague. Bring them their favorite snack. Invite them out for coffee or bring them their usual beverage. Leave a funny note on their desk. You can do the tiniest thing, as long as you it will make them smile and you don’t expect anything in return.

Treat yourself to something tiny but awesome. Buying stuff isn’t going to remove work stress but treating yourself to a little something awesome will make you feel a little better. Here are some ideas for inexpensive sparkly things that help you smile. Baublebar has some really fun jewelry that won’t cost you a ton. Etsy is a fun place to browse for things like pretty journals or coffee mugs